Her Hands
by It's Just Apple Pie
Summary: Jane and Maura are about to have dinner with Jane's family. Jane is jealous? Maura is flirting? With who? Chapter 5 here! Lately, It seems I forgot about Maura- since most of this is Jane's POV, so this one's a lament/soliloquy/inner-thoughts piece. Hopefully my characterization of Maura has improved in this chapter, because I know some didn't buy her in the last two chapters.Enjoy
1. Innocent Bumps

My mother had invited her to dinner again. I figured it was for Frankie's benefit- they seemed to 'hit it on' as Maura said. Of course she said it wrong, but I didn't bother to correct her that time. I was too busy pushing away the disturbing, seemingly out of nowhere, pangs of jealousy I was feeling.

So, here we are, in my parent's house, at my parent's dinner table.

When I feel a nudge the first time, I think her foot is aiming for Frankie's, because he's in front of her, like they're on some sort of Italian date, and I'm next to her.

Like a partner usually is.

And don't get me wrong, I don't mind the closeness, but Frankie, well, he's _staring_ at her cleavage- something that would be hard to do if my ma wasn't so damn insistent all the time.

Well I don't react to her foot softly bumping mine, it happens again.

Now I'm getting annoyed- is she trying to drive me crazy? Next thing I noticed is that our knees are touching.

I hear my ma and pa laugh at something that I missed. I glance at Maura, and she's laughing too. "Excellent." She complements Frankie, and before I can feel the full blow of my jealously, her foot entangles with mine, and one of her hands slips underneath the table.

That movement leaves me hopelessly wanting more.

"You know, Maura, sometimes you just got to go with the flow, you know? Let loose your laugh, like you are now. It's really nice to see you smile." Frankie is smiling helplessly at her, completely using all his charm. She smiles back at him.

"Well I'm extremely comfortable around this _particular_"- her hand touches my knee, and I shiver, "Family." She finishes her sentence. "I hope you all feel the same way." She squeezes my knee.

I clear my throat, nervously.

Her hand is trailing down my leg, past my knee, closer and closer.

I feel a tingle that I associate with arousal, and when she looks at me, smirking, I start to throb.

"Maura." I'm pleading her to stop with my eyes, the shock evident in them, "Of course we feel that way. You're great to have around- I mean sometimes you get can a little… difficult"- she's stroking my crotch now, and I can't deny that this is real anymore, because she is so real. "But we all still love you." My voice cracks on 'love' because she hit my sore spot.

My family nods in return to my statement, but I barely see.

Frankie notices that Maura is smiling at _me_, in a sultry way, and his lopsided grin melts away. I can _feel_ when realization of what's going on hits him.

My smile is gone along with his, and I shove Maura's hand away.

She looks away, awkwardly trying to avoid my gaze.

"Maura? Did you wash your hands, yet?" I ask, she just shakes her head, and when I get up to go to the bathroom, so follows, understanding _why_ we need to talk.

We don't make it to the bathroom- I can barely get to the kitchen before I swirl around and stare at her in disbelief, "What the hell was that?" I ask. She's not looking at me, and her cheeks are flushed.

My pulse quickens, and the throbbing never stops.

"I don't know." She answers.

I laugh, "Doctor Isles doesn't know?"

She finally looks up at me, with hurt evident in her eyes. "I find you very confusing." She's confused? Well, then what the hell am _I_?

"So you try and _rape_ me during _dinner_ and now you can barely look at me- and I'm confusing?"

"I thought- I thought you wanted… me." Her voice cracks on the 'me', and I shutter at the weakness she's showing me. Weak is not a word associated with Maura Isles.

"You thought I wanted you?" I ask, still confused, "Maura, we're both straight. I don't see what you're referring to. We're _best friends_, not lovers."

"I'm sorry." She's looking down at her shoes again. Those _high heeled_ shoes, that show just how toned her legs are. I close my eyes, feeling the heat pool into my underwear.

"Well, I'm confused. What did I do to make you think that I want you? That I think you're incredibly hot? That when you wear shoes like that," I point to her shoes, "I think about how your legs would look spread open on my bed?"

"Oh." She whispers, "You… are attracted to me. That… complicates things."

"What? Why? I wasn't going to _act_ on it." I try to defend myself.

"Jane, I was simply conducting an experiment to prove to myself, and to our friends that we don't have anything but a platonic relationship."

"We don't have anything but that."

"No, that's where you're wrong. Not for long at least."

"Why's that?" I ask, intrigued, then something hits me. What if she doesn't want to work with me anymore? "You… you don't want to be friends anymore? I told you… nothing has to change"-

"But it does. You think I'm about to let you get away like that?" She smiles, and I look into her eyes, seeing that she isn't about to reject me. "I want you too, Jane. More then you know."

I refuse to believe her.

She grabs my hand, and pushes down her pants, underneath her under panties.

It's like a sea of… wetness. And I can _feel_ her pulse.

My eyes close, "How about we go home early?"

"My place, or yours?"

"I think the car would work." She offers, and it makes me go crazy.

But then I stop my self, "No. We're doing this right. I'll drive."

She pouts, "I can't wait long."

"Which is why _I'm _driving."

She fights back a smile, "Can I at least aid you while you drive?"

I don't give her an answer, instead I grab her hand, and run into the dining room, "Some work came up!" I almost _frantically_ scream at my family. They shake their heads in disapproval.

"Our Jane. Always on duty. Put down your gun every once in a while, Janie?"

I smirk. "Okay." We're out the door, still holding hands, and in my car before I even realize that we ran the whole way.


	2. Cars and Confessions

I'm trying to concentrate, but she's very distracting. I can feel her staring at me.

And when her hand slides to my knee, again, I almost close my eyes- almost _kill_ us.

The car swerves, but it's a time where the traffic is down- one of this in-between times. Luckily no one is to my left, or we would have crashed. And Maura, _Maura_, doesn't have her seatbelt on.

I fight back a yelp, when she continues to trace her fingers along my legs. "You almost killed us!" We're at a red light, so I turn to look at her, trying to be angry with her. But as her hand takes mine, all frustration flutters away, her eyes are searching for something in mine. I'm not sure what she's looking for.

"Jane…" She trails off, and green flashes in the corner of my eye. I hold back anyway- no one is down this road, right now.

"Yes, Maura?" I ask, completely invested in what she might say or do next.

"I'm not… I just- I've never"-

I almost immediately understand what she's referring to, and instead of feeling stereotyped, I just smirk, "And you think I have?"

With that, I start the car, speeding a little, because I honestly _can't_ wait. I feel like I'm on top of the world.

Maura sighs, "Jane. I can't. I'm not like this. I have a plan. I have rules. We have a _line_." Her jabs end, and I can't look at her, not even a glance. I should have known.

My ear twitches at the regret in her usually elegant, strong voice- now though she sounds just _plain_ sad.

My smirk suddenly feels foolish and my lips set down into a frown. "What do you mean?" I ask for clarification.

"I can't- I _don't_…do this." She whispers letting go of my hand, "Would you take me home?" She asks, not in a flirty or light way, like usual. What is _this_, anyway?

My eyes burn, and I don't want her to see, because a _wonderful_ moment has just turned to shit. I repeat the question I've been asking myself since we became friends- what is this?

What did she expect? What did I expect?

What do I want? What does she want?

Where is this all going? Am I crazy? What are we _doing_?

"Okay." I promise, shutting down, going _full_ cop-mode- but my hands have another idea, and suddenly I've pulled over.

I breathe heavily, and I can't look at her. I don't want her to see. So much for going in to _cop mode_, I sigh- but it hitches in my throat.

"What are you doing, Jane?" She finally asks, softly.

"I needed to stop." I whisper and a single tear slips down my cheek. Thank God I'm not wearing mascara at all- never mind the waterproof one Maura bought me. Thank God my hair is covering my face.

"W-why?" Her voice cracks, but I still can't face her.

"I just needed to, okay?" I snap, more mad at myself then her.

"I need to be home, Jane! I need you to take me home, right now. I can't do this right now." She's frantic.

What the hell did that mean? I shake my head.

"Well, it's hard to drive with tears in your eyes." I snap, giving away the tears that are being quiet for my dignity sake.

Me and my big mouth, I sigh, then clench my jaw.

Her hand is on my arm, comforting, instantly after my slip of the tongue- but I shake her off.

"I'm sorry," She whispers. "I didn't mean to hurt y-your…" Heart? She searches for the right word, "pride." She apologizes, sincerely. _Wrong word_.

"Pride? You think this is about _pride_?" I whip my head around to face her, more tears pooling in my eyes. Tears I really badly don't want to spill.

"It isn't?" She asks, completely shocked, her eyebrows shooting up and everything.

It's incredibly adorable.

But then that pressing feeling has its grip on my heart again, "Of course not." I mange to growl out and glare at her, at the same time. "This is about _us_."

"Yes. I understand that. But Jane," She pauses, "There is no romantic us. There is a partners and friends us. Nothing more."

"Friends who feel each other up?" I question, on my last hope.

"Isn't there a term for that? Isn't it accepted in society?"

"We are _not_ going to be friends with benefits." I actually think she's insane. "Are you fucking _crazy_?" In spite of my tears, I smile.

"Why? Am I that unappealing?" She frowns.

I couldn't help it, it just slipped, "Obviously you are _extremely_ hot, and I am impossibly attracted to you- it's _you_ that wants to leave, remember?"

"This wouldn't be a one night thing?"

"Oh, God! Maura, at this point I don't care how much this fucks us up- if it's going to last forever, be a silly affair, or be a one night stand- whatever. I just _need_ you, right now."

"So you don't… want a relationship?" She questions. And I just don't care how much this fucks _me_ up, anymore. She just needs to know.

"I actually think you're stupid. Like really dumb."

"I'm sorry, but just because feelings are easy for you to read, doesn't mean it's easy for everyone. I'm trying to figure out what you want. You won't tell me. I'm assuming, and you know I _hate_ assuming, that you're calling me dumb because- well, look at me, then look at you- how could you want me? I'm hardly sociable. You're my only friend. And you're… just _perfect_."

"I want you."

"That doesn't mean"-

My lips crash against hers, and her eyes close instantly, I moan as I hear her squeak of surprise.

It doesn't matter how much it's going to hurt later. All that matters is her lips on mine.

I'm stuck in the moment. Impossibly full of a bliss that I thought I could never have, for a while.

She's kissing me back. I smile against her lips, as I pull her closer to me, hands resting on her waist slightly. Her hands are cupping my face, and I lick her bottom lip, asking for access to the rest of her. She compiles right away, her hands moving from my face to the nape of my neck.


	3. Hand Me Down

I push her away, "Not here." She giggles, a sound that makes me melt, like one of those silly teenage girls.

Her hand is rubbing up and down my legs, so damn soft. And her lips, oh shit, they are _so soft_.

Her other hand- I try to find it. It's leaning against the car seat. I remember where we are, but she doesn't seem to care much that this is happening in a car, and not a bed.

"Baby, I want to take you home," I tell her, biting my lip. She simply shakes her head, smiling contagiously. "Maura, damn it, make up your mind." I say more playful, though mad was my aim.

She staring at me, I can feel her eyes, as I look out the window- catching my breath.

She doesn't hesitate for a second- her hand is unbuttoning my jeans. I look back quickly; she's smiling so seductively. I can't even think so all I do is lift my ass up for a second so she can pull my pants off.

My heartbeat is incredibly fast, as she looks at my underwear. Oh shit, I'm wearing those lacy red ones my ma bought me last Christmas, apparently because I needed to get out of the office, and live a little. I pushed that thought away. It was funny really, to think of that, while Maura was licking her lips. Does this qualify as getting out?

If it does, you know where I'll be.

"Jane." She whimpers.

I nod, unsure, "Yeah?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

"My eyes are dilated, my palms are sweaty, my heart is beating 25 beats per minute faster, and I'm pretty sure if you don't take those off right now…" She trailed off. It was really unlike her to not finish anything.

"What?"

"Jane, take them off." She demanded, and it was the sexiest thing I have ever heard. I don't like being bossed around, but I listened. Something in her voice was shaking, and full of pure _lust_. She smiled devilishly when I hesitated, "You're nervous."

"Yeah." I refuse to move closer. I look back at her, "You're red."

"That happens." She lifted her hand slowly, and placed it on my leg again pulling off my panties, and pushing my leg up so she could see everything. She gasped, and blinked heavily. "You're soaking."

"Stop fucking around, Maura."

She moves my knee over, and reverses her hand so her palm is facing the roof of the car; she slowly places her middle finger right on it. My eyes widen.

She slowly strokes me up and down. More wetness, overflowing.

"Jane, I'm hardly doing anything, don't tell me you're quick." She laughs.

"Never." My voice is weak, full of shock, and I can barely hear my self.

Her finger slips inside- my jaw drops, my eyes close. Tingling everywhere, I moan, deep and loud. If it didn't feel so good, I would have blushed.

First slowly, then faster, then two- she's playing me like I'm a damn fiddle.

She gets all these noises out of me, and she's making some of her own.

Then she does it, she twitches her finger in the spot, and I'm just done.

Head back, toes tingling, heart heating up.

She smiles and licks her fingers; with a demanding look in her eye she says "Take me home".

I pull my pants up, driving, trying to not stare at her. "Gay- uh, I mean, straight home?"

"Please." She chuckles.

It's a red light, and she's not looking at me.

"Maura?" She still won't look, just nods, staring at the road ahead.

"Did that just happen?"

She nods.

"Was that okay?"

She shrugs.

"Are you okay?"

She shakes her head. I pull over, and close my eyes.

"Why did you stop?" She sounds very surprised, offended even.

I take her hands, and I smile to myself, because she lets me. "Because, baby, I want you to be okay, so we need to talk."

"I can't talk about this."

"Why not?" I ask, and she finally looks at me, tears in her eyes.

"Because I'm not this way, and you're not this way. And it's completely irrational to want it that way."

I know I shouldn't ask, just let her keep going, but it slips out; "What way?" She's usually so descriptive and literal. I mean, _really_, usually even Amelia Bedila wouldn't understand what Maura Isles was saying.

"I want us together. You just want to get laid." She laughs bitterly, and I don't like the sound one bit.

I snort, in spite of my growing worry. "You think I can't get laid? That I'd have to settle for my partner?" Maybe she'll laugh her _good_ laugh.

"You're settling?" She looks so distressed, and utterly upset by that idea. The tears start to fall.

"No, no baby, no." I repeat over and over as I take her in a hug. She just keeps crying on me for a while.

_They're gonna break your heart_

_Yeah, from what I've seen you're just one more hand me down_

_Cause no one's tried to give you what you need_

_So lay all your troubles down_

_I am with you now_

_You can stand up against me_

_And maybe rely on me_

_And cry on me_

_Oh, no, no, no_

_Do their best to change you_

_They still can't erase you_

_From what I've seen you're just one more hand me down_

_Cause no one's tried to give you what you need_

_So lay all your troubles down_

_I am with you now_

_Lay them down with me_

_Lay all your troubles down on me_


	4. Completely And Utterly

"Sorry." Maura chuckled, "You must think I'm insecure and indigent."

"No more than before." I teased, squeezing her hand supportively.

We sat in silence, and to be honest it was slightly awkward.

"So, earlier, you said you, uh," I hesitated, not wanting to push an already sensitive situation. "Um."

"Spit it up!" She sighed, only lightly frustrated at my indecision, prompting me to go on, after several minutes of me tripping over my words.

"First of all, the correct phrase is _spit it out_," I informed her out of habit, "And second of all, what did you mean by, uh, _that way_?"

She looked confused for a moment, until recognition washed over her face.

"Homosexual." Her voice was completely factual.

"You're like, the only scientist I know that is homophobic." I muttered, shaking my head, and gripping the steering wheel with a more than modest increase pressure.

"I'm not homophobic. While I don't make a point of supporting the homosexual apparatus, I do not make a point of degrading, or disagreeing, with it either. And while I am a scientist, and I understand that being homosexual is the result of several factors involving nature and nurture, I also understand how society views those who support or oppose the party. Therefore, as a result of my understanding of society, namely the society I was nurtured in, I cannot accept the consequences of making personal homosexual relations. I prefer to stay out of that discussion."

Not homophobic, not homosexual, not pro-homo. What did she think I was? _Who_ did she think I was?

"Oh." That's the only word that made it's way out of my mouth, because her words numbed me more than anything else, and then I laughed humorously, "You know, my head is saying one thing. But my, uh, _heart_, is saying another."

"Please elaborate, Jane, you know I have trouble following your comments when they are not blatantly literal." Fucking robot voice, Maura, _really_?

Aren't we past that bullshit?

Then I gave her exactly what she wanted, _blatantly literal_. We had pulled into my parking space with perfect timing, as I turned to face her.

"I hate everything you just said. I hate everything that _explanation_ says about you. I hate society's need to put a label on everything, the need to put everything in a box and shove it far away. I hate- I hate"- My breath hitched, "I fucking hate that you'reputting me in a box and shoving me away," I took a breath, "That's my head. My heart though, or rather my 'homosexual' needs are screaming at me to kiss you." I refused to look away from her dangerous eyes.

Because her eyes, well they didn't seem to have a problem wanting me.

"Because the whole time you were _explaining_, your hand tightened harder around mine."

"That's a common human instinctive response when discussing uncomfortable topics." She shuffled in her seat, and her eyes focused beyond me.

"And yeah, the science-y shit is hot too." I brought her back, her eyes on mine again.

"Science is not hot, it's a respected and resourceful rigorous study of all that _is_ and _was_ and what is _to be_. My profession is not sexy or hot or- or"

"Really? Turns me on." I smiled broadly at her ranting, "In fact, you should defend your self more often."

She looked away, and damn, that was getting annoying.

"Jane, _stop_." Her command was so soft and I almost missed it, but it was there, however lacking in dominance it was.

"If I stop, then I won't ever go again." I flatly informed her, and then, for the too many-th time her eyes flickered back to mine shyly, with terror and indecision. "All I need is a yes, a no. A green, a red. Just give me a clear signal, and I'll accept it, no fight."

"No-no, _no_." Maura looked extremely flustered and struggled to get her answer out.

"As you wish." And with that, I opened my car door attempting to escape, and ignored the burning sensation piercing my eyes, quite unsuccessfully.

Where was that book about self-control?

_Compartmentalizing, Concealing, and Controlling the Composition_.

Last I saw it was the bathroom, under a heap of clothes I hadn't worn since the previous year. And that was last year.

She grabbed my hand as I moved to get out, "_No_." She insisted again.

"I got it, thanks." How many times was she going to reject me? I only needed to hear it once, as I explained quite _blatantly_. Now I had heard it four times. How dense did she think I was? How _desperate_ did she think I was? How-

"No." She cleared her throat, and dug her nails and her eyes under my skin.

Seriously, fucking _five_ times? Am I _that_ undesirable? Is she _that_ straight?

_Breathe!_

"No," Six fucking times, "That's not what I meant"- I cut her off, enraged.

"Then what did you mean? Because after six _no's_ even _I_ start to wonder!"

"You can't give up on me." Her voice was incredibly low and she released my hand.

"Give up on you?" I back tracked, "What?"

"I don't want you to leave, too. You're my only real friend. You're the only real friend I've had since college. I care about you infinitely, if that's possible. So you can't just… give up without a fight. I mean, obviously you can. Since, you had no problem leaving me in your car alone once you heard 'no', without an explanation… without"

"I don't need to hear _why_, I don't _want_ to hear an excuse, all I want is a yes or a no, because when everything's said and done, that's all there is. Do you want me next to you when you go to sleep? Do you miss me when I'm not around? Do you hate when I'm with some guy, instead of you? Do you want _more_? Do you see me in your future? Do you want a futurewith me? When you picture your family, am I a part of it? Do you think of me when you're _with_ someone else? You see, the thing is, I could go on all night with questions, but why would I if the answer is no?"

"Friends can't want those things?" She questioned, genuinely confused.

"Not how I want them with you." I answered.

"How?"

"Completely and utterly _homosexually_."


	5. Newton's Second Law

I was acting like a basket crate.

I knew it.

Jane knew it.

Usually, in matters like these, I wasn't so dramatic, embarrassed- usually, I didn't think that deep into what was happening and why.

I usually just went for it.

But this time, I just couldn't stop worrying. Maybe it was because it was Jane, maybe it was because we had snuck out of a Sunday night dinner like two aroused minors, and maybe it was because it was happening in a car.

But because wasn't the issue. Because wasn't making Jane angry with me, angry and confused and hurt.

I just couldn't help it.

Usually matters like these were inclusive to sexual endeavors, and the occasional light-hearted relationship, I sometimes had the internal cause to forge.

But this wasn't just some occasional sexual endeavor that might lead to some superficial relationship.

This was Jane, and because it was Jane, I was acting like a basket crate.

Jane, my best friend.

Jane, top detective.

Jane, who shot her self to catch the bad guy.

Jane, who I loved more than I liked Tommy.

Jane, who was gorgeous.

Jane, who I wanted so badly to be _mine_.

I usually just went for it.

But Jane wasn't usual or common or expected.

Yes, I made the first move.

Yes, I kissed back.

Yes, I held her hand as we ran to the car.

Yes, I know I am acting completely irrational.

But, how can I not?

On what grounds would anyone expect me to act like I usually do, in this situation?

I'm a doctor, a scientist.

I'm completely logical, until it comes to Jane, and poof, all my knowledge, all my intellect, just doesn't seem relevant anymore.

She makes me feel like I belong, not because of my achievements, not because of my education, no- because of _me_.

I've never been regarded as such before in my entire life, by my parents, my professors, my boyfriends. Jane is the only exception to this rule, and that's because she doesn't fit in any of those categories. But once she does, once she logically fits in to my life, what will become of her? Of how she looks at me, how she observes, listens, _sees_, me?

What will happen once I can fit her into a category, once the irrelevance of my position becomes quite a bit more than relevant?

What happens once she realizes a relationship, a girlfriend, a wife, a _title_, isn't enough for me?

What if I want more?

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction,

So what if I believe that we not only complement, complete each other,

But we are, by some universal collective force, the direct reflection of one soul?


End file.
